


Village Cricket

by Small_Hobbit



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25149973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: The Elsinore Village Cricket Team didn't do well last season.  Hamlet is hoping they will improve.
Relationships: Hamlet & Horatio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: What If? AU Challenge





	Village Cricket

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DW's Whatif AU Sports AU challenge

“We have got to put up a good showing this year,” Hamlet said. “I really don’t want us to end up near the bottom of the league again. After all even Andronicus finished above us last year, which is ridiculous.”

“I quite agree,” Horatio replied. “So what are your plans for the opening match?”

“I suppose Laertes and I better open the batting; we are the best batsmen.”

“Why not open with Claudius, and between you try to hit a few quick runs. Given that you hate each other trying to outdo one another should ensure at least some runs.”

“Before one of us gets out.”

“And then bring in Laertes as number three. If you and Claudius use some of the quick bowlers’ overs with any luck Laertes might last for the rest of the innings.”

“With you as number four?”

“No, send Ophelia in before me,” Horatio replied. “She’s quick but not got much stamina. Then it’s me, and we hope we can last out until the end.”

Hamlet looked at his list of players. “Bernardo can bat after a fashion, or at least is capable of defending his wicket, even if he doesn’t score many runs. It’s a shame Marcellus won’t have recovered in time.”

“Who are you bringing in to replace him?”

“Osric.”

Horatio groaned. “Can he tell one end of a bat from the other?”

“It’s doubtful. He can go at the end of the batting along with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.”

“Who does that leave?”

“Gertrude and Polonius.”

“Do you remember that match last season when they were both batting, Gertrude actually hit the ball quite hard and the opposing team were yelling at the pair to run?”

“Don’t remind me. Well that’s sorted the batting order. We have six batsmen, two who might hit the ball if we’re lucky, two rabbits and Osric as the ferret.”

“What?”

“The ferret comes in after the rabbits.”

Horatio laughed. “And fielding?”

“You, of course, are our wicketkeeper. Laertes and Bernardo will open the bowling. I’ll take over from Laertes, I’d like to keep him in reserve for the last few overs. Ophelia’s always good for removing a couple of middle order batsman; something to do with her rather erratic action. How many’s that?”

“Four, you need someone to replace Marcellus.”

“I’d rather not use Claudius. What about Gertrude or Polonius?”

“Gertrude bowls underarm and Polonius bowls as many no balls as good ones. You’re going to have to get over your dislike of Claudius and let him bowl. He may not get many people out, but he’ll bring the run rate down.”

“Oh, very well then.”

***

“That was a disaster,” Hamlet moaned. “Claudius clean bowled in the first over. And by Duncan of all people.”

“I certainly didn’t expect those three witches to be such good slip fielders, nothing got past them,” Horatio added.

“And Banquo ran so fast between the wickets he might have been a ghost.”

“Macduff gave our bowlers absolutely no quarter. Who do we play next week?”

Hamlet groaned. “Caesar’s team. Julius is the best fast bowler in the league.”

“And Brutus and Cassius the highest scoring batsmen. Let’s just hope they give us a good tea!”


End file.
